“The terrain surely appears rougher…” I comment, looking out upon a large valley and the deep green mountains in the distance.
“Indeed,” Hikaru replies softly. “Do you know where we are?”
“Unfortunately,” I reply. This is one landmark I do recognize—Hory de Kazjdi Krâiyus, the Royal Gate Mountains, called so because they separate Solzédniê from the southern half of Soléiâ. Now this land I remember traversing well; it is certainly not forgiving terrain for a carriage. Yet now this time, I travel upon foot instead. Ah, I believe I miss the carriage now…
“I know this way is unpleasant enough in a carriage, so I may only imagine how it is walking off the road—although I suppose I need not wonder for long,” I add with a chuckle, attempting to cheer myself up.
“It’s not so bad, if you pace yourself,” Hikaru says. “And besides—maybe it’s only my opinion, but the mountains really do seem to be the best place to be on the Solstice.”
“…The Solstice?” I turn his way, puzzled, “It is already almost here?”
“Yes, in a couple of weeks.”
“I see…” I sigh, and turn again towards the scenery before us. “This shall be my first time I am not celebrating it…”
Although the Solstice does not hold the same significance for myself as it does for the more religiously inclined, as the Sun wavers longer than ever throughout the year…it would be a terrible lie to say it is unimportant to me. The atmosphere the Solstice brings—feasting and dancing, music and fireworks—even in my darkest hours, at least a few days every year could quite literally be bright.
I cannot say I miss the past; for all the hardships that have come with this journey, I would not change it for anything else. So, it would be better to accept everything as it is…
“We can still celebrate,” Hikaru says reassuringly. “We can have a bonfire, and—well, I suppose you could say we do that many nights, but we could…” his voice trails off, before briefly pausing.
“Surely we can find something, Suzette,” he smiles weakly, although it seems rather clear he has no idea of what to do.
“There is always next year, when I am settled…” I reply, attempting to hide my disappointment. “You need not worry about it…I do not know what we could do regardless. I doubt there are many towns on our way now, until we reach Solzédniê.”
“Hmm…” I look over to see him with eye closed, twirling his necklace within his hand. After a few minutes of this, he still continues doing nothing.
“Hikaru—?” I say softly, nudging his shoulder. He looks at me startled, as though he had completely forgotten I was here.
“Sorry, just lost in thought,” he says. “We should probably be on our way.”
I nod in agreement, and we soon enter the wide valley below.
For numerous days, the two of us continue upon our journey. In spite of my initial disappointment, it is hard not to feel as though we have traveled to paradise…
Nearly every tree a deep luscious green—those which are not shall soon be, as their few remaining petals scatter in the warm breeze. The songs of birds fills the morning air. As Hikaru and I walk, I gaze up towards him. In a moment, old images are painted within my mind, and I cannot help but smile.
Although once I found my dreams off-putting, admittedly now I have become rather fond of them. During our lives back then, everything so carefree and innocent…although in that sense, perhaps we have scarcely changed at all? While it is doubtful we may be called “innocent” now, this journey has been no less carefree—especially as of late. Whereas before I wished to reach our destination as soon as possible, steadily I am learning to enjoy the journey itself. The beauty of nature, and of one another’s presence even in silence, it is truly marvelous…
I still wish to have a bakery more dearly than anything, certainly. Yet truthfully, I believe I could become quite content with this lifestyle as well.
After a time, Hikaru speaks, saying, “This morning puts me in the mood…does it you?”
“It does,” I reply, by now knowing precisely what he is referring to.
“Then would you like a little music?”
The two of us walk a little further, finding a small clearing surrounded by trees. After seating, he then finds that strange instrument which admittedly I have become rather fond of as well. It is not long before the buzzing of the hurdy gurdy resounds though the forest, enveloping both it and ourselves.
After a few minutes, however, I notice something queer about the music…
“Hikaru, do you mind ceasing for a moment?”
He looks up to me, a clearly confused look upon his face.
“Is something wrong?”
“That song…” I begin, “I have heard it somewhere, but I cannot now recall where…”
“Well, it’s a rather famous song, I’m sure you’ve heard it before.”
Perhaps he is correct, and yet something about that assumption still feels off… Typically, the only music I once heard was a tad less “rustic,” one could say; aside from a few rare instances, I have not listened to music such as this aside from Hikaru playing it.
“Does this song have lyrics? I feel as though I have heard it sung before,” I say.
“It does, but you don’t want to hear me sing—and besides, the lyrics are very sentimental,” he replies.
“What is the matter with that?” I ask. “Just the music itself is so lovely, I would not mind being able to sing it.”
Admittedly, I myself do not know why I am so fascinated with this song…yet I cannot help but inquire into it.
“But then you’d likely have to hear it sung, and like I said, I can’t sing—”
“Do you know the lyrics?”
“Have you ever sang before?”
“Then have you already forgotten?”
For a moment he merely stares in confusion.
“When we first began this journey,” I say, “You had told me you were worried, because before you had only traveled alone. Yet I believe it is going quite well, is it not?”
“That’s different—” he mutters, before sighing. “No matter what I say you’re still going to press on, aren’t you?”
“Ah, is it so obvious?” I smile. “If it is poor I am sure I will still enjoy it, if you are sing—”
Immediately I stop myself, realizing what I am saying…he, meanwhile, just looks down at his hurdy gurdy, face flushing red.
“I will probably be quiet,” he whispers, “So listen closely.”
Slowly he closes his eye and begins turning the crank, the low hum resounding once more. Although his voice is almost entirely enveloped by the music, just softly his voice shines through…
“Now, now, do you remember me, my love?
For years living as but a memory,
No longer am I who you had once known;
As the long days have grown weary on me,
I know I am but a lonely old crone—
Do you remember now, my love?
“Perhaps you remember that day, my love?
The Sun had bathed us in her gentle beams,
Yet her warmth was little in light of yours;
Flowers bright blossomed in a field of dreams,
Yet their colors were dull compared to yours—
Do you remember now, my love?
“Please try to remember that night, my love,
The Sun vanquished into the sea below,
Yet your glow still led me in the darkness;
When the flowers withered beneath the snow,
Visions of your beauty I was still blessed—
Do you remember now, my love?
“If you do not, remember this, my love.
In another time, we will meet again,
Our twin Stars stay connected even now,
And until you remember me, my love…
…I will remember us for you.”
Slowly, the music ceases. For a moment the two of us sit there in complete silence, aside from a few birds chirping in the distance. I gaze over towards him, though not to his face…but I see his hand grasping tightly at the instrument, so much so his knuckles turn even whiter than they already are.
“Suzette, are you all right? Was I really that terrible?”
“Why do you ask?” I reply, looking up towards him once more.
Instantaneously I go to wipe the tears, seeing it is indeed true. Somehow, I had not noticed at all…
“It was just quite lovely,” I whisper, “You need not apologize for anything.”
“…Mâzjêr né,” he replies quietly.
What I speak is wholly the truth, and yet also…as he sang, I at last recalled where I heard this tune.
It was long ago, before this lifetime—we were in “my” room, I was playing the violin as he sang. But he was too timid, so his voice never grew beyond mumbling…I only caught a few scattered lines, here and there.
Wait, these memories…they can appear during waking hours as well?
It is amusing, however; this song seems oddly fitting now, lovers meeting one another across lifetimes…yet, while he and Alex were lovers, we are not so now, yes?
Yet the longer we journey, with all that transpires, the more I cannot help but wonder—
“Suzette,” he says, interrupting my reverie, “Maybe we should get going again.”
“Yes, we should,” I reply, “And…thank you for teaching me the song.”
“It’s no problem,” he replies with a smile, although his eye seems to hold some sadness…is he tearing up too?
Either way, we begin our journey once more as thoughts swirl within my mind.
We are surely not in love, he only prefers men after all. Yet as for myself…no, I am not, that would be…ridiculous…
That evening, the two of us find a small clearing in the increasingly dense forest. Now the hills steadily grow steeper as we reach the mountain, and I imagine soon this will become rather rough indeed. I sit down when Hikaru comes to me, and kneels by my side.
“Suzette, I’ve something to give you, at least for a little while.”
“Oh? What is it?”
He reaches into his bag, and pulls out…a dagger?!
“W-What is this for?!”
“I have to leave for a little while, so I want you to have something to protect yourself with. I doubt you’ll need it, but just in case.”
“But what of you?”
“I’ll be fine,” he says quietly, “I just want you to be safe.”
“Why must you go?”
“…Maybe someday I can tell you,” he replies with a sad smile. “But not now. I just have to leave. I’m sorry. It should only be a few hours at most.”
“Then I hope it goes well, whatever it may be…”
“Mâzjêr,” he says, smiling a bit wider. I wonder if he is happy because I have ceased prying into his life…well, at least in this manner.
“Nykhte bon, Suzette.” Good night.
“Tsiâ mo, Hikaru.”
And with that he stands up and disappears into the night. For a time I lay there, keeping the knife close, eventually falling into slumber…
Hours later I awake, the newly waxing Moon high up ahead. Immediately, I notice something off.
No more dreams…?
This is the first time since the evening in Florêt Folwêkhdin that I have slept without dreaming of anything… How odd it is. At the beginning, all I wished was to escape these visions as soon as possible. Now, however…their absence is surely felt.
Suddenly, I realize, there is another absence as well.
Is Hikaru not back yet? Did he not say it would only take a few hours? It was dusk when I fell asleep, so it indeed has been much longer than that.
I look around in the dim darkness, but there is no sign of him. Not a solitary trace.
Softly I stand up, and look around the surrounding area for him, or even a sign he was here recently…but there is none. He is merely gone…
My pulse grows ever quicker, as fears begin growing in my mind—did something happen? Is he all right? …Will I be all right?
In response, for now, I merely sit beside a tree…if I attempt to look for him, we may end up missing one another, making this truly disastrous. Although if he does not return by morning, I do not think I will have a choice…
For a time, I close my eyes and breathe deeply in a vain attempt to calm myself. After what seems an eternity, it almost begins to work.
“Hmm…this is entirely wrong,” a voice whispers. The voice sounds a tad masculine—but it is definitely not Hikaru’s!
Swiftly I jump up, swerve the dagger in front of me…before my limbs harden like stone, and the dagger falls from my hand with an unceremonious thud. I stare in paralyzing fear, awaiting for the creature to strike…yet instead, it merely glares down to me.
It is over eight or perhaps nine feet tall, and can only be described as a bizarre amalgamation of a deer and a man. Large antlers covered in dozens of leaves protrude out of its head alongside giant ears; even its skin is covered in deer-like fur. It gazes upon me with bright green eyes, not unlike mine…except the sclera, which while white on any normal human, are as black as night.
After a moment the creature looks towards the ground, and squats, grasping the dagger. As it brings it up to me, my heart stops—but rather than stab me with it, it merely holds the blade in its palm wide open.
“M-Mâzjêr…” I mutter as I grab the knife. It merely nods its head, and turns to go along its way.
“Wait!” I shout, and it stops. “What…what are you? Can you speak?”
It stops, and turns around.
“I am a tree,” it says. “But, my spirit… I am what your kind calls the fae.”
For a moment I look at them, speechless.
“B-But…I thought faeries looked like humans! Maybe with wings are some such other element—”
The faerie lets out a low chuckle.
“I am human-like. I walk on two legs such as you, I have hands such as you. I even speak the same tongue as you do.”
“Yet, you look so much like…”
“If I fully resembled a human,” they begin, “Then the animals of the forest would be too used to the sight, which your kind would take too much advantage. But if I fully resembled them, then they may think I am a predator or potential mate, which surely you can see why that may be problematic.”
“Have you any more questions?” it asks, face holding the same blank expression it has since they appeared to me.
“Why…did you appear to me? Fae normally do not show themselves to humans, yes?”
“I am looking for a certain one of your kind,” they say, “And from the distance you appeared to be the one, so I did not think of hiding. But now I see that I am mistaken. However, considering…”
The faerie looks to their side, lost in thought.
“My Lady,” they say, gazing upon me once more, “Do you happen to know of one called Hikaru?”
“I do!” I reply with a tad more excitement than I mean to.
I should have known this creature was looking for him, considering all the oddities he concerns himself with! But—
“Wait a moment,” I say. “Did you…confuse me with Hikaru?”
“All of your kind looks alike, especially you two,” they reply nonchalantly.
“Erm, surely we could not look anymore different…?” I retort, baffled; yet, it appears by now they have already ceased paying mind to me.
“Ah, there he is,” they say, looking off to the right of us. I turn my head the same direction, but all I see is the forest…
“You can see him?”
“With those Stars of yours, it is rather simple,” they reply.
“Our Stars…you can see our souls?”
“You surely enjoy asking many questions.”
I look away, slightly embarrassed.
Is it not normal to ask questions when faced with a creature such as this?
“Anyhow,” the faerie says, “I must be on my way.”
“Wait a moment,” I say, “Please take me with you…Hikaru and I were traveling together, but he had to leave, and I—”
“That is fine,” they answer. “Then I will go slowly for you.”
For a moment I look upon them, once again dumbfounded, surprised they acquiesced so easily. But soon, we descend deeper into the woods.
For at least an hour, the faerie and I silently walk through the woods. It is odd…it is not uncommon for Hikaru and I to go hours without talking and I still feel entirely comfortable in his presence. But this…it is surely rather different walking in silence with a stranger. Especially one that is very far from human.
“What are you called?” I ask them, attempting to create some sort of conversation.
“You may call me Chêne,” they reply. “I assume I am to ask the same of you.”
“I am Suzette,” I answer quietly.
“Oh, I remember you. You’re the one who wishes to run a bakery, yes?”
“You…know of me?”
“Hikaru has told me much about you.”
He speaks of me even when I am not around? Ah, I suppose that is not too strange. And yet, it surely feels a little…
“What has he said of me?”
“He has always spoken about how kind you are, how admirable it is that you stay determined in spite of your situations,” Chêne says. “If you are worried he has spoken ill of you, I am not sure he could even if he tried. He is rather fond of you.”
I look towards the ground, my face feeling as though it has been thrown in a furnace.
Quickly I glance ahead of us, attempting to act normal—although to be truthful, it does not seem that Chêne is paying enough mind to notice me acting strangely. Even so, I still attempt to somewhat change the topic.
“Why are you looking for Hikaru? Is…is he well?”
“I assume so. I received a message that he wished to speak with me. Although,” they pause, “He has not moved the entire time we have walked. But, I’m sure he is simply asleep.”
My heart sinks.
Why would he fall asleep when we are separated? He was worried enough about me to give me his knife, but perhaps he needed it…
“Chêne, how close are we to him?”
“At this pace, perhaps twenty minutes away. We shall meet him soon.”
“…All right,” I reply quietly.
He is well, I repeat in my mind. Stop worrying so much, all is well…
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